Thoughts on last year
What is this thing that I see
In the looking glass starring back at me
Mirroring my eyes, my body?
It’s not me, oh no, please.
I wrote these words down and put them to music when I was 18 or 19. I don’t remember what actually inspired those words but I’d be willing to confidently bet that it had to do with some decision I made. I’d also be willing to take the next step and bet that the decision I made wasn’t the right one.
“The choices we make shape who we become.” It rolls nicely off the tongue but is one bitter pill to swallow when you comprehend that some of the choices you made were ghastly and awful and are now secreted within the character of whom you see in the mirror.
Last year was character building in some ways. It was also character dismantling in others. I have felt like I have spoiled things and although I know that nothing is beyond Divine Repair by God I can’t help but feel I have contaminated my mentality and stained my standing with others. My disposition is that of an insolvent beggar hoping to plead my way back to a place where people looked up to me because of what I could be for them.
But although I can feel the gravity of my guilt pull me away from personal growth I am humbly honored to recognize that the greatest, most noticeable feature of this last year was God. His grace left its mark all over every wall of my life and His touch was present in all things. The extension of His forgiveness allowed me to see the merciful side of God in a new way that I’ve never known. The book of Hebrews in the Bible reminds us that God is always faithful because faithfulness is apart of who He is…it’s part of His character. So even when we are disloyal, fickle, and untrustworthy He is still steadfast in His tender affection and compassion towards us.
How lucky we are. When all the world may turn its back on us and remember all of our wrongs we have a God who loves unconditionally and grants us pardon when we ask for it.
